Deadly Honeymoon

In a bit of LMN SEO, as soon as I heard the title "Deadly Honeymoon" I immediately knew that this movie would be about a deadly honeymoon. I also knew that I had to watch it, especially if it was the fictionalization of that awesome 20/20 episode I saw awhile back about a woman shoving her husband off the balcony during their honeymoon cruise.

Indeed it was, and what a D-level-star–studded gem this movie turned out to be. It was exactly what you want from a Lifetime movie: predictable plot, melodramatic confrontations, and a woman who has a worse boyfriend/husband than you. It stars Summer Glau, who is so convincing as stuck-up Jersey girl Lindsey (I think she's from Jersey) that I didn't figure out that she is the same actress who played crazy-pants River from Firefly until the pivotal moment in the movie, when she's discovered huddled incoherently in a dark alley of the cruise ship.

If you know what the words "deadly" and "honeymoon" mean, you can pretty much ascertain everything that's happened up to this point--Lindsey and her blandly good-looking, cleancut boyfriend Trevor have gotten married and they're on they're honeymoon. Though he's been the perfect boyfriend up until this point, suddenly, after their wedding, he becomes a total fucking asshole who does drugs and doesn't want to hang out with her. (In case you've never seen a Lifetime movie, this never ends well.) After getting into a fight one night in a cruise-ship nightclub, Trevor winds up dead, and Lindsey winds up with no memory of the previous evening.

Luckily, Zoe McLellan* and Eric Palladino** are on the case.
*Peter Krause's wife from Dirty, Sexy Money (you didn't watch that show?)
**that guy who was on several seasons of ER, but never really got a storyline because he was never the most attractive or most interesting of the male doctors

Zoe plays "Gwen Merced," a cruise passenger who also happens to be an FBI agent. Eric Palladino plays the director of cruise security, and arouses in Gwen those age-old feelings of wanting to get laid while on vacation. As she watches Eric aptly wrangle the cruise's security camera tapes, she can't help but admire his rudimentary skills that only interns do at her office. Meanwhile, she begins to suspect that Lindsey isn't telling the whole truth about Trevor....

I'm not gonna give away the ending for you. Not because I don't want to spoil it, but because I don't really remember it, and that's not the point of the movie. The point is that honeymoons can be deadly.

Was this movie as good as the 20/20 episode that preceded it? Not really. But was it entertaining? Definitely.


  1. The thing that struck me about this movie is that everyone on the cruise was so so attractive and that the couple was supposed to be somewhat rich. Yet, I was under the impression from personal observation and vacation photos of friends, that cruises are sort of trashy and full of gross people and that the ship vaguely smells of mildew and sick. But yes, this was a great one.

    Please tell me you'll be reviewing the one where Jennifer Love Hewitt becomes a whore at a massage parlour.

  2. Yeah, I love how "exotic" the cruiseship nightclub was. A really rockin' place.

    I haven't seen the JLH/whore/massage parlour one!! Thankfully, thanks to the LMN, I know that I'll see it eventually.

  3. I have seen this movie several times on LMN, but I still don't understand the ending... did Lindsey push Trevor off for his money? Or what?


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